2001-12-23 | 10:09 p.m.
safari

So I was in this department store looking for a tie for my dad for Christmas. All of a sudden I smelled H's cologne (the tie section was right next to the fragrance counter). Instantly my stomach was tied in knots, and I felt like I was gonna choke. My mind went back to the time I got it sprayed on one of those tester cards and put it in my car; I smelled him in there for weeks. I almost started crying right in the middle of the store. I started telling myself, "Get over it. Get over it. Get over it." (I think at one point it was even out loud.) I did that long enough to find the tie (I found a gorgeous one; my daddy's gonna love it!). Then I got out as fast as I could and went and got an orange julius to wash down the giant lump in my throat. On my way out of the mall, I regressed and bought a gumball the size of my fist. That really helped a lot. I didn't even know him when I was five.

Today I hadda throw out these roses I got from a guy last week. They were really pretty, but I forgot to keep water in them, so they died. Actually, I think I did it subconsciously on purpose. I don't really like roses, and I really don't like the boy. I wish the boys at work would leave me alone. They're really creating an awkward situation for me. How do you tell a guy who's very obviously interested that you're not in a way that won't make him or you uncomfortable which is important because you have to talk to him every day? Grr. At least my brother's there to ward some of them off. I really hope I don't have to go through too much more of this before I find another one what makes me feel the way H did. I miss him.