2001-12-26 | 4:57 p.m.
let's move to never never land

so it's the day after christmas, and yesterday was awesome, but strangely i'm feeling kinda sad right now. i miss my sister. she's in texas with her husband's family, and wasn't with us for christmas for the first time ever. it's deeper than that, though.

it first hit me when i went shopping for her birthday last month. everything i saw that i wanted to get for her, i ended up saying to myself, “she wouldn’t like that anymore,” or “brian (that’s her husband) wouldn’t like that in their house.” she was always so unique and spirited and uninhibited. she had such a strong personality. now it seems like she is conforming to what he wants, from her work and schooling to when they’ll have kids and how many right down to what she wears and the stupid towels in their bathroom. i used to call her “crazy,” and i loved that she was… but i feel like that part of her is dying. i find myself not wanting to call her crazy anymore. i feel like i don't know her.

when i go to her house to visit, i feel uncomfortable. it’s like i can’t hang out with her ‘cause i didn’t bring along a boy for brian to play with. on those rare occasions when she comes to visit me, she never stays more than a few minutes. then she says, “well, i gotta go. brian [blah, blah, blah].” i don’t really pay attention to the end part. it’s always dumb.

brian, give me back my crazy.

or is this growing up?