2001-12-29 | 8:59 a.m.
call me bighead

this morning i woke up at 6:45 totally on my own. i know, it freaked me out, too. it's a good thing because i hadda be at work at 7:30, but i fell asleep at, like, 2 this morning without setting my alarm. to compound the gravity of the situation, i was almost an hour late the last 2 saturdays i worked. what do they expect scheduling me to work at 7:30? ...and on a saturday, no less. there's something very unnatural about leaving home after you've slept for the night but before the sun comes up.

to help wake me up, i turned on dhc's purr. it'd been way too long since i listened to it (since i got the live album, i suppose). i'd forgotten how much it energizes me, and i was in such a good mood until somebody upstairs started stomping on my ceiling. i don't understand know how she could even hear it. it wasn't loud or anything. i bet she had one of those "be quiet! the baby's sleeping" moms... that or she was an only child.

so now i'm at work and have just been informed that i am being promoted. woohoo! after working here for less than four months, i am going to be in charge of people who've been here for years. aww, yeeeeah! eat that, all you people who said i only got this job because of my brother. given, this is nothing compared to being promoted after a week working at the french school, but i have to say, i have impressed me once again.

as i brag on myself here, i remember all my guy friends who've told me something to the effect of, "before i knew you, i thought you were conceited." i have a hard time fathoming that anyone could see me as conceited, and at the same time, i can totally see why they would. i think i've got about the worst combination of shyness and confidence going on here. i know that i am smart. i know that by many people's standards i am pretty. i know that the people who know me well like to be with me (i'm guessing this means i'm fun to be with). but put me with people i don't really know of just about any sort, and suddenly i'm acutely afraid that they won't approve of me, which is not a fun feeling, so i withdraw. put this together from an outsider's point of view, and you have this cute girl who seems to be smart and possibly even fun who won't talk to you. what a snotty biotch! ...how i wish i knew how to fix me.

there are people who have never seen fireflies. that's so sad.