2002-01-07 | 10:16 p.m.
did you notice?

so i was reading my older diary entries when i realized that within the space of 12 entries, i managed to categorically contradict myself. i’ll tell you exactly what i’m talking about. in beavers playing kazoos i say, “…i generally don't care what other people think about me…” then in call me bighead i say, “…put me with people i don't really know of just about any sort, and suddenly i'm acutely afraid that they won't approve of me…”

if only for my own peace of mind, i have to reconcile these to one another because if i can’t, it means that i’m a big liar. i don’t want to be a liar. i’m sure that at the time i said each of them, i really believed what i was saying… maybe this just means i’m unstable. ahahahahahaha! that’s a shocker.

so here goes the explanation… i think that the reason i care what people think is that that’s always been how i defined myself, and maybe the reason why i sometimes think i don’t care is that i’ve decided i like me, independent of what anybody else thinks. in conclusion, i’m not really sure that i’ve gotten anywhere, and maybe i was better off leaving incongruity as it stood.

jeff says, “…you know, contradictions are what life's all about!” i like his answer better.