2002-03-25 | 8:42 p.m.
proceed with caution

jeal·ous·y (jl-s)
n. pl. jeal·ous·ies

1. the quality of being jealous.

2. earnest concern or solicitude.

3. painful apprehension of rivalship in cases nearly affecting one's happiness.

a long time ago—well it wasn't such a long time ago, but it seems like it if only for the reason that these two weeks since i left him have seemed like forever—jeffrey and i were talking about jealousy. i said how i used to think that when you found the right person, there'd be no need for jealousy but that i don't believe that anymore. he said he thinks that not being jealous just means you don't like the person that much. i agreed. i also said that anyone who was his girl would hafta be a particularly non-jealous type. this is because jeff hangs with girls... almost exclusively. and not just any girls. no, these are beautiful, smart, talented, fun, funny girls. sometimes i feel self-conscious about it. how'm i s'posed to be interesting compared to award winning writers and webmasters (how does one gain the status of webmaster, anyway?)?

the other night, jeffrey went out with one of these girls, christine ("she is hawt"), and i couldn't help but be a little bit jealous. i've read some stuff she wrote, and when i did, i fell for her. she's a beautiful person... the kind of girl i would make up if ever i decided i was in need of an imaginary friend, and if i were a boy, i bet i'd want her... anyways, she IMed him and wanted to go do something. on a friday night, no less (i want to be the one what’s with him on friday nights). grr. but even before i thought the outing would be over, jeff called me on his cell phone from the grocery store, where he stopped on his way home. just to talk. to me!

another time i was possessed by the green-eyed monster was when he told me to watch out because this girl was being flirty with him. i know he was just kidding, but i read her diary entry for the day which contained this:

I think someone who I have always considered a friend with no romantic interest in me is hitting on me. I can't be sure but I'm pretty sure I am picking up some different vibes from him. I was talking to a girl at work about it and she looked at me like I was stupid. "Of course he wants you, anyone who knows you wants you," she told me.

not exactly the kind of girl you’d want flirting with your boy... i found solace in the fact that she spells nickel wrong.

how old am i? five.

do i doubt that i'm his favorite? not for a second.

do i worry about losing him? of course i do.

my point with all of this? your guess is as good as mine... or maybe it's this: i wish i lived closer to los angeles.

p.s.- it occurs to me that those happy few of you that read this here diary may be getting sick of hearing about my jeffrey. i therefore promise that my next entry will have nothing to with him whatsoever. thank you. that is all.